DATING & SEX
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Build the life you want tomorrow, by making good choices today.
Schedule Your Appointment Today
Build the life you want tomorrow, by making good choices today.
There are many pros and cons to dating, and it all depends on how you approach your relationships. If you feel that you are not ready or interested in having a committed relationship, you may want to postpone dating until you feel that you are ready. There is no rush to start dating.
SMART DATING
Ever wish you could predict ahead of time whether or not a dating relationship will work out? It would save a lot of headaches and heartache, wouldn’t it? While you can’t predict the future, you can make choices that will help guide you…
HOW TO PICK A WINNER
Don’t settle for less! Although nobody’s perfect, you owe it to yourself to have high standards in your choice of significant other. Does the person you’re dating demonstrate these qualities?
Honesty: being truthful, no lies or half-truths.
Faithfulness: trustworthy, does what they say they will do, does not talk behind your back.
Respectfulness: treats you and others with kindness, is not rude or offensive.
Generosity: thinking more of someone else’s needs rather than their own.
Authenticity: being sincere, genuine and reliable.
Perseverance: doing what they set out to do and then finishing what they have started even when it is difficult.
Humor: ability to be joyful, light-hearted and fun.
Communication: being able to talk about feelings, dreams and goals.
Compatibility: similar values, beliefs and lifestyles.
WHY IT’S GOOD TO BE PICKY
You don’t have to have too many lousy dating experiences to realize it makes sense to be picky. And while being picky may limit the number of people you date, it will also improve the quality of each date you have.
As you think through potential dates, ask yourself these questions: What’s my first impression? Until you get to know a person, you must depend on first impressions. Who do they hang around with? What kind of parties do they go to? Do they drink, smoke, use drugs?
How well do I know them? It always makes sense to go out with someone you’ve known for a while rather than a stranger.
Do they treat others with respect? Ever been around a person who can’t do anything but put down their significant other? Ever spent time with someone who likes to brag about how far they went physically in a previous relationship? Not exactly the kind of people you want to trust with your self-image or your reputation.
Do our values clash? Are the things most important to you also important to them? Are you headed in the same general direction in life? (For instance: You value good grades and plan to attend college; your potential date regularly cuts classes and has no plans for life after graduation.)
Do they keep their promises? If they’ve been in a serious dating relationship before, did they flirt with others or cheat on the person they were dating?
SEX?
The decision to have sex is a very important one, and there are lots of things to think about. Sexual relationships affect your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Whether you are considering sexual activity, or you have already had sex, there may be risks for pregnancy and STIs even when using birth control or condoms. The only sure way to avoid getting an STI or to prevent pregnancy is to avoid the behaviors that lead to these outcomes. Once you are in a long-term, mutually monogamous and committed relationship with an uninfected partner (in marriage), you will have no reason to worry about getting an STI and you will be better prepared for a potential pregnancy.
We are also under the false assurance that condoms protect us 100% and are pretty much foolproof. There have been many improvements made with the manufacturing of the latex used. There is however, no such thing as a 100% effective condom.
Safe sex is truly defined as being in a married relationship after having abstained and with a partner who has made the same choice. For those who have been in a prior relationship(s), they need to be tested to make sure they do not have any STDs. Remaining faithful in the new married relationship allows sexual activity to be safe from STDs.
4 “RED FLAGS” THAT SIGNAL YOUR RELATIONSHIP NEEDS REPAIR
CRITICISM: Attacking someone’s personality or character rather than discussing specific problems or behaviors, Criticism comes across as judgment, accusation or blame.
CONTEMPT: Hostility, name-calling, insults, mocking, rolling the eyes, sneering, or other expressions.
DEFENSIVENESS: Usually a response to contempt or criticism; denying responsibility, making excuses, dredging up the past, saying ‘yes’ followed immediately with ‘but,’ repeating yourself, or whining.
STONEWALLING: Putting up barriers in a relationship, especially to avoid conflict; refusing to talk or cooperate, procrastinating, ignoring problems, and walking out.
READY TO START OVER?
Make an appointment to share your concerns and seek help or referrals.
